A coaching client asked me this week to discuss my thoughts on social prospecting. This is a delicate subject because you do not want to be labeled a “networker” which is synonymous with “always selling” and becomes a fast track ticket to the “Black List.”

When asked about what you do for a living you should have an effective Elevator Script which results in the person saying “tell me more.” But what do you do when you are in a social setting and no one inquires about your job and you look around the room at all these great prospects.

First ask yourself, why are you there? Was the purpose to prospect, if not maybe you should stop trying to sell and just enjoy the company and conversation. If your purpose was to prospect, then you should ask yourself whether the other’s expectations are to be solicited. If not maybe you should amend your purpose.

Too many sales people join organizations solely to find prospects and they are soon identified by the group and “Black Listed.” If you join a group, be there for the purpose of the group. Be there because you believe in what they are trying to do, if not leave.

As I mentioned in an earlier post clients and advocated first need to like us before they trust us. If you want to work with your social contacts, be likable and participate in the activities because you believe in them. If they like you they will trust you. Then when they ask what you do, you are prepared with your Elevator Script.

What makes a person a true advocate? The dictionary defines advocate as “a person who pleads on someone else’s behalf .” Simply it is someone who speaks positively about you to others. So we should ask ourselves who does that for our us?

I believe there are three criteria for an advocate: 1. they like us 2. they talk positive about us to others 3. they want to help us grow our business

List your top 50 clients and ask yourself how many of them meet all three criteria. If you want 100+ unsolicited introductions a year, your practice is going to need a number of true advocates. If you do not have enough then your work is set before you. Start with the Relationship Conversation and help them achieve their dreams.

Describe the days you have enjoyed the most throughout your life. Make a list of all of them. See what is common and what makes them unique. That is what you want the rest of your life to be like. Try it.

Are you prepared for the increased volatility of the next decade. During my career 1984-1999 the market enjoyed an unprecedented rise. Despite the volatility of the single largest one-day decline in the history of the market and two other volatile years the sixteen year bull market was extraordinary. In 1995, I stated that the following decade would be substantially more volatile that the 80’s and 90’s.

The decade from 2000 has proved to be one of the most volatile in history. An investor in the S&P 500 on January 1, 2000 has yet to break even. I am stating here that the next two decades will be even more volatile than this one. The reasons are globalization, communication, and technology.

Globalization will increase the breadth and depth of the markets. This is good and bad. At times the different markets are trading in contrast to each other and diversification can reduce risk and increase opportunity. But in times of crisis they trade in tandem leaving no safe haven and increasing the risk and volatility.

Communications will allow information to speed around the globe and technology will allow for faster response. This would seem to be good, but it requires a quicker response to changes. When decisions are forced without adequate thought, there is an over reaction that increased volatility.

Are you prepared for this increased volatility?

…If you answered NO to any of these questions…

Participate in the upcoming Conference Call Workshop.

For sixteen years we had no down years, few down quarters, retired every client early, and received hundreds of introductions each year. How this was acomplished has never been presented in public before. Even as a coaching or workshop client we focused our time on team infrastructure and building a deeper client relationship.

For the less than the cost of a one hour consulting call, your entire team can participate in 15 hours of instruction on how we actually managed our clients money.

NOTE: Our unique solution was NOT managed money.

You will want to participate in these calls.

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Most important decisions in life are counter intuitive and difficult to make when the herd is moving in one direction and you need to go in the opposite. This is when a professional is needed to help the client make the correct decision. This is also when unlimited trust is necessary. Without it a client will naturally gravitate to the herd.

To gain Unlimited Trust a professional must become a Strategic Catalyst in the life of the client. Positive change is what every client desires. By partnering with your client to identify and create positive change toward a specific dream or goal you become integral to the clients life. This quickly leads to Unlimited Trust.

You no longer sit on the sidelines of their life, but actively participate in the achievement of their dreams. Your conversations can now focus on what is most important to them and, as a partner, you share in their excitement and are valued by them in a unique way.

Remember refer-ability is not tied to your expertise or knowledge, which are usually assumed. It is not your unique solution that compels them introduce you to others. Your refer-ability is directly tied to your clients experience with you. Is their lifestyle maintained and enhanced by knowing you?

Partnering with those around you and monitoring the positive change in their lives connects you to the accomplishment of their dreams. The simple process of recording what they want to do and encouraging them in completing simple next actions will guarantee they achieve the dreams.

For each person or couple you partner with, record their next dream. Then note under that dream the next action they want to accomplish. Now each time you talk with them update the next action as they are completed. Occasionally drop them a line or call to check on their progress. This simple process changes your conversation and gently encourages them to complete what they desire. Now because of your partnering with them, the desired outcome is achieved sooner and a new desired outcome can be set. As a catalyst for positive change you can help others achieve substantially more than they ever imagined. Now you are value-added.

You know what you and those around you want to be true in the next twelve months. Now ask yourself and those you want to partner with, what is the next physical action necessary to make the dream a reality? You have just become a Strategic Catalyst in the life of another person. That is what an advisor should be in the life of their clients, Strategic Catalyst for Positive Change. People do not need a financial plan about how to manage their money, they desire a Strategic Spending Plan to effect positive change in their life.

Next we will discuss how to partner with those around you to monitor their progress toward positive change.

In other words we all know what we want to spend our money on. We have a dream and we want to fund that dream. As we discussed last week, it is not the money that is important, it is what the money will buy whether that is a vacation, a new deck on the back of the house, a kitchen renovation, college education, or a comfortable retirement. Each of us knows exactly what we desire.

If the money is not what is important and what we want to buy is, do you see the disconnect in most conversations between an advisor and their clients? The advisor focuses on the money and how it is managed and the clients wants to focus on what they want to buy and how to make that a reality.

This week ask yourself what it is that you most want of have, do, or accomplish in the next twelve months and ask those around you what they most what to accomplish. Remember this is what is important to you and to them. Record that information. Next week we will discuss how to partner with those around you to make certain they accomplish what they want and it does not become just another New Years Resolution that is unachievable.

This is the First Cause of miscommunication and misunderstanding.

The second question, “Why is that item you look at important?” is where the second distinction is made between clients and their advisors. It is also where the relationship is derailed. Why do clients look at the balance? We discover it is for none of the reasons the advisors are questioning above. Everybody looks at the balance to know how much they have to SPEND, either now or later.

If you are living close to your budget then the balance represents whether or not you can pay your bills this month, if you are a little better off then you are wondering whether you can take the vacation you planned later this year. And if your are well off you are looking to see if you are still retireable and if your lifestyle will be maintained and enhanced in the future.

In every case the client is NOT concerned with the money, but with what the money will BUY.

This is the Second Cause of miscommunication and misunderstanding.

This is the biggest mistake in the financial service industry. The industry is concerned with the money. They want to create financial plans and grow the investments forever, while clients are concerned with what money will buy. Clients want a Spending Plan, not a financial plan. They want to maintain and enhance their lifestyle, not their investment portfolios.

These different perspectives create a large disconnect between the client and their advisor. One is talking about apples and the other is concerned with oranges. This problem is easily solved. Next week we will see how to step through a conversation to connect with the client’s concerns.

1. What do you first look at when you open your bank statement?

2. Why is that item you look at important?

Think about these two questions and ask others this week to gather their response. We will discuss the differences next week.

1. maintaining households and assets does not maintain revenue, unless you are 100% fee-based.

2. pipeline must include more potential revenue that you can loose through attrition or market loss.

3. introductions only come from advocacy, which is started with a conversation.

But if you can find a stranger that they don’t know, and have them talk with the stranger about what it is like to work with you. This is a safe way for them to learn the Language of Endorsement™.

As the client answers the strangers questions he is building an endorsement script. So the more they are a reference with you, the more comfortable they becomes talking about you.

This is the simplest way to remove the risk of referrals.

The problem stems from the fact that we have spent most of our time in the client relationship focusing on the backstage - the processes, the systems, and the services we provide and no trust is established. It is the front stage that should concern the client the most. The Experience Economy by Pine and Gilmore gives a detailed understanding of why marketing is like theater and the importance of understanding that the message is what goes on in front of the curtain. The front-stage experience the customer is looking for is a better understanding of having their needs understood and met.

Now as we consider this in more detail, keep in mind the difference between backstage and front-stage items. The delivery of your products, your services, the tools you have, the resources, the software, the technology you have; all of these are backstage items that assist you in delivering the performance on the front stage. Without them, the front stage performance could not happen. Likewise, you could have all the backstage in perfect working order, have the best service, have the best technology, have the best of everything behind the stage, but without the clients’ confidence that you know them and understand their situation, they will continue to peek behind the curtain. They will continue to spend a tremendous amount of time trying to better understand what it is you do and whether or not you are doing it well. The more comfortable they are in your understanding of them, the more they will relax and leave what goes on behind the curtain, behind the curtain and enjoy experiencing the relationship and the performance on stage.

This goes back to Peter Drucker’s principle that the two most important functions of a business are marketing, i.e. knowing your clients more fully, and innovation, i.e. creating solutions for their problems and needs. If we knew our clients on a deeper level, we would be better equipped to assuage their fears of our being out of sync with their needs and desires. In many cases, I believe our clients feel insecure that we actually understand what it is that they want, both out of our relationship and out of life in general. For that reason, we entirely miss their main objective.

Developing a deeper understanding of the client easily solves this problem. In a coaching relationship, prior to the first session, a client is asked to fill out an in-depth questionnaire, often called the Client Intake Kit, which goes into extreme detail about his or her personal and family life, life story, business history and experience. This up-front, in-depth analysis of the client allows the coach to begin “right where the client is.” It is much like the relationship with an old friend who has grown up with the client. The old friend knows all the history, knows the traumas, problems and failures that have occurred as well as the successes and achievements. This knowledge of how the coach client handled things in the past is extremely valuable when it comes time to evaluate, consider or assist the person in looking at options that are ahead. Without this knowledge or without this understanding, we are strangers.

It is the same problem we have with our customers and clients. Because we do not know them at that deeper level, they do not have the comfort or assurance that we truly understand their situation and therefore, they try to second-guess us or double check that we have not forgotten something or missed what is most important to them. We have spent too long focusing our marketing efforts and selling our services in regards to our technology, our tools, our resources and all of the backstage items. How well the lighting is done or the sound system works is not of interest to the client or to the audience as long as they can enjoy the performance. We need to stop marketing our services and our technology and instead focus our attention where the clients’ attention is. In other words, focus on them, on their interests, on their goals, their fears, their tolerations, helping to alleviate the obstacles in their life and focus on the opportunities and strengths that they have. Assisting the client in building a better life.

Too often, we have spent too much time trying to solve the problem before we really even understood it. That is the significant flaw both in our strategy and in the solutions that we provide our clients, and, in the end, the clients understand that we have missed it, and we have focused on the wrong thing. We use our reports and our review with our clients in an ongoing way to focus on what we think is important and what we find exciting. In other words, we are focusing the client on the back stage and because of the concentration of our time and effort there, we think the client should be interested also.

Stop directing the client toward the backstage. Focus on the front stage, understand your clients’ real issues and go forward from there in a new exponential relationship.

Over the last decade, surveys of baby boomers have consistently yielded the same result: investors are chiefly interested, when dealing with financial advisors, in information that can help them make better, more informed decisions. They want an expert, someone who knows what they are talking about and can provide them with better knowledge. Rapport building is not the beginning of the relationship process— expertise is. This is even more important following uncertain economic times.

How should you approach the “head, heart, feet” relationship-building process? First, you’ll need to identify whether a client or prospect is a thinker or a feeler.

Prospects who are feelers tend to process information in their hearts. Typically, a feeler will accept the advice or recommendation of a third party regarding your expertise. When attending a conference or workshop where the speaker has the endorsement of a larger group, for example, the feeler will tend to assume speaker is an expert, then spend the bulk of their time trying to see whether they feel comfortable with them. They will ask themselves, “Do I feel I can trust this person and what their saying?”

A thinker, on the other hand, will spend the bulk of their time trying to figure out whether the speaker knows what they is talking about. They will continually ask themselves, “Is this person an expert?” Once they determines that the speaker is indeed an expert, they will trust them implicitly, then move quickly to the “feet” stage.

Very rarely do prospects have enough information to understand whether you can truly deliver on the promises you make. This is why using references or advocates is a critical step in the marketing process. A solid reference will bolster a prospect’s trust and reassure them about the quality of your performance.

As you review this relationship-building process, take a moment to answer these three distinct questions:

• Do you have advocates up-front to disclose your expertise on the topic at hand? • During the conversation, do you allow an exchange of dialogue where trust can be built? • Do you use reference advocates to help the client better understand your ability to follow through on your promises?

Using this approach to building relationships allows you to better understand and meet your prospects’ needs. And by identifying whether a particular prospect is a thinker or a feeler, you’ll be able to focus your time and attention on the area of your presentation that’s most important to your prospective customer.

Suppose a couple, after spending an hour in your office, leaves thinking exactly the same way they did when they arrived. Somewhere in that hour, you’ve fallen short. To win new business and forge solid relationships, you need to change prospects’ perspectives, build trust, and demonstrate that you can deliver on your promises. I call this three-step process “head, heart, and feet.”

Let’s start with “head.” During your meeting with a prospect, you want them to undergo a transformation: to add to their knowledge base and change the way they views things. They may come in thinking one way, but they leave with greater knowledge, more information, and a new perspective that challenges them and demands that they respond.

The next step: “heart.” Prospects are always on the lookout for evidence of whether or not you’re trustworthy. To convey your credibility quickly and effectively, engage each prospect in a dialogue—a give-and-take that demonstrates that you understand them and their particular configuration of needs. Doing so will help you earn their trust and respect.

Finally, “feet”—the stage where the prospect contacts existing clients and learns that you’ve made a difference in their lives, that you do what you say, that you show up on time, and that your team follows through on what you promise. Now their ready to engage their feet and to build a relationship with you.

Another problem with mass marketing is its universal appeal, the market is too large. Mass marketing methods push themselves out to hundreds or thousands, because there is no urgency on the part of the consumer. Persuasion and influence, i.e. sales skills, are used to convince the client of the need they have for the product or service being offered. This begins the resistance discussed above. This lack of urgency will be discussed further in the chapters on creating action.

Using mass marketing your practice is identified with the herd of others using the same methods and marketing. To separate yourself form the herd, you must change your marketing.

A relationship follows trust and is enhanced as the trust grows over time. We learn early to trust people based on what they do and not what they say. This was overlooked in the go-go years of the last quarter century. Facts superseded feeling. Information was king and who ever had the information was the most sought after person. Client relationships were established on cold calls. Direct solicitation worked and seminars worked even better. But once the roller coaster ride of the 1990’s was over clients began to reexamine whom they worked with and how the relationships were established. Many businesses came up short in the accounting.

Trust is established after a meaningful conversation. We understand this in our own experience if we look back to our dating years. A casual conversation may tweak a person’s interest, but no more. We must move beyond the surface and focus on the other person, not ourselves. This is the heart of the problem. When we examine most business conversations eighty to ninety percent of the conversation is about the interest of the business, it’s products and services, or directly about delivering solutions. Less than ten percent of the conversation is about the client, their life, issues, concerns, needs, or problems.

The old axiom says the one thing a person most wants to talk about is them self. Amazingly, the one thing businesses rarely let clients talk about is themselves. Herein lies the problem. The clients learn more about a business by what it does, rather than what it say. If a company focuses most of their conversations on them self, the clients clearly understand that the companies agenda is more important than theirs.

The selling celebration ended in 1999. In the early years of the new millennium the American consumer had several shocks from which they have not yet recovered. First is the breach of faith by several of the large accounting, law firms, brokerage firms, and corporations in failing to disclose the truth of their circumstances. This breech of trust hit at the heart of information. Following the bankruptcies, embezzlements, fraud, and high-tech meltdown in 2000-2002, the four trusted advisor groups: accountants, lawyers, financial advisors, and corporate executives had each lost the trust that had been built over generations. Never in history have consumers lost faith with such a large sector of advice givers. Trust was assumed in the years prior to 2000, clients just wanted information so they could make better decisions. That has changed. I repeat for emphasis, that has changed.

Clients today are not willing to trust carte blanche, a firm or an advisor. The solicitation that worked so well over the last decades now meets resistance. The baby boom generation has read all of the sales books and knows that a fixed gaze and a firm handshake hide a hidden agenda of solicitation. They have come to view sales techniques as manipulative tools to get closer to their money faster, rather than getting to know them better. Peter Drucker continued to declare for over sixty years that we need to stop selling and really get to know our clients. He said, “the aim of marketing is to make selling superfluous; to know and understand the customer so well that the product or service fits [them] and sells itself.”

The business community has avoided for decades, the malpractice risks of the healthcare industry. As we become a more litigious society this escape will not continue. Too many advice givers have for too long, written prescriptions for their clients’ problems without proper examination and diagnosis. The financial service industry in particular, and all business in general, is at risk of being sucked into the vortex of litigation, if they do not immediately change.

We can eliminate malpractice as a concern, buy becoming competent advisors, understanding the difference between telling and listening, realize people learn more by what you do than what you say. We can reverse the impact of all the sales manuals of the last three decades that focus on getting to the close faster and have forgotten about the client along the way. We need to start with a proper focus on the customer and their needs. We can avoid the coming suits and litigation by not trying to force ourselves into their lives with sales techniques, we can build a relationship where they reach out and grab us and pull us into their lives as trusted advisors and confidants.

North American business is at a crucial turning point in history. The heart of marketing is a business’ ability to establish a trusting relationship with the customer. Without some degree of trust the consumer will look elsewhere for the product or service. Business is at risk. It is only a matter of who will be affected. In the coming weeks we will discuss how to make certain it is not you.

If you found this of value please forward it to others you value. Together we can create a change revolution.